Oh My LANTA!!   I’ve been back in Arizona for over a year now, and Have NOT been able to contact you!! grrr..    How Are you?!?!

Well, Well.. 

It’s come down to the last night..

   Everyone has gone to bed, And I’m just sitting here, rethinking the last four months.   It hasn’t been a waste of my time, my life, my money, it hasn’t been a waste of anything.      I’ve had a great time while i’ve been in Arizona.    

I DID come out, right at the beginning of summer. Silly, I know.   But, althought it was Hot, Hot as hell.. I enjoyed it.   We’ve never had a pool right below the steps of our place. and I’ve NEVER lived in an apartment before.  So it’s all been an experience..   It just hasn’t felt like hom..      
  And the silly thing is, I’m going back to Michigan„, Just as the snow is about to fall.  ahha.. How stupid, right?..
   Wrong, I like the snow, I like the cold!..  Just hate driving in the cold wet snow!

One last Thank you, to my little Lizzybell =)
   Your an Angel.   I’ve found myself talking about you alot the past couple days.  Comparing this person to you, and that person to you..   and I’m like “ya know, Lizzy is 18, and has ………………… (this problem)   and she DOES NOT act like that..    She goes to school all day, and then work all night 5 out of 7 nights of the week, and school all day the other two.. It’s rediculous that a 23yr old is acting like this after her SECOND”..      You just trueely do amaze me.  Your such a strong girl, and know, I have all the faith in the world, in you.   Even if you are doing it on your own, Your still going to be the greatest!..    I’m sorry your stuck at Wendys.. But I’m wishing you all the luck, everyday, that you find an amazing job, that you love!..     I’m going to miss you  more than words can say, and I know i’ve said it so many times.. But I am.
    So silly, I’m crying as I type this to you!..
I hope that some day, i WILL get to see you again.   I’m sorry our plans didnt go through for Friday night, My cell phone was being RETARTED, and I don’t know if you were getting my text, because I didn’t hear anything from you all night?..    But that’s okay.. I’m horrible at goodbyes. And this isn’t goodbye Lizziebell„ It’s ta-ta-talk to you laterrrr! ahha.
    We’ll text up a storm, I promise!
You have to keep me updated on all the God forsaken drama at the big WENDYS!! =) haha..   and any other drama in your life, daily problems, or anything exciting!..   Make sure you give Lauras baby a BIG OLE KISS when ‘it’ gets here, from me!     I wish I could have had one more chance to talk to you in person, but like i said.. I’m TERRIBLE with goodbyes. and it would have been a night full of tears, and sobs, and “remember whens” haha..  
     I’m gonna miss you cupcake.    And I love you a whoooooleee bunch!
xoxoxox
-Brandylicious!  -I’ll carry that on with me, forever!

P.S.
   I hope you find a new special someone to Deliver Funyuns to you when your having an obserd craving at work!
And I have my fingers crossed for your driving test— I hope you pass it!
   Ohhh, and one more thing..    I’m praying for a girl! =)

Now, will all that said, and all these tears pouring down my face..
I’m Feeling a little heartache tonight, at the thought of saying goodbye to my parents tomorrow.
     It’s really the only thing crossing my mind, over and over tonight.
I’ll get through it.   I’ll pass threw the metal detectors, and ball my eyes out, just like i do EVERYTIME i leave my mom..  And then I’ll be okay!

Well, I’m off to bed..
8am comes awfully early!

xoxo

I Love when I can wake up, with a huge smile on my face.
Life, at the moment, seems like it couldn’t be much better.

I’m moving back to the place I want to be at the moment, in THREE days! =)   My bestfriend reasurred me that she DOES want me to live with her, and I couldn’t be happier, to finally be able to call her apartment “home”.   I’ve basically lived with her already, but it was never “home”.. I would always have to go back to my parents house after 6 or 7 days of being at her house.. But now, It will just be her, my goddaughter, and I =)  And seriously, I couldn’t be more excited!

I’ve started talking to an amazing man.  We talked last night for 8 hours straight, and honestly… I don’t think my smile left my face.. I woke up with my cheeks burning. ahha.     I’m the type that wants to rush things„ but with him, I feel like I can take my time.. =)   That’s why it feels soooo good!
    He’s given me another thing to look forward to when I get back to Michigan!

I’m going to spend tomorrow(Friday) Evening with my bestfriend I’ve made in Arizona.. Lizzybell =)   We’re gonna go to Dinner and a movie! And I’m so excited. We’re going to take 202948493020293848 pictures!  So I have so many memories to look back on, with my trip to Arizona.    She’s honestly, an Amazing girl..  And I know I’ve said it a million times„ But she is.   Seriously, I don’t think I would have made it this long, had I not met her.    She’s gorgeous! And so special to me!  I’ll never ever ever forget her! I WILL keep my promise Lizzybell, I’ll be back to visit you.

   I couldn’t be moving back to Michigan at a better time. It’s October 1st today. Which means;Haunted houses, haunted hay rides, Corn mazes, Haunted barns, pumpkins, apple cider & donuts, and Cozy bonfires..
  And then Christmas comes, My favorite time of the year.   But it’s going to be a sad christmas this year.  My very first Christmas without my parents..  Just thinking about it, has brought me to tears!.  Honestly, the thought alone, of not being with my mom on Christmas, hurts my feelings.   I’ll atleast have my brother with me for christmas, for the first time in 6 years, so I guess i can’t have ‘EVERYTHING’ huh?..      But I can’t wait for the christmas music, and the lights, and the snow glistening, and christmas trees!.. And It’s Olivia’s first Christmas where she’ll understand opening presents!..    Gooodnessss!! =)

hah, I’m off for now..
Ta-Ta

xoxox

I realized I made one of the bestfriends while living here.

Honestly; I hated her at first.  I thought she was going to be a prissy bitch, just like me, and we were totally going to hate eachother..

Turns out, she has been/and always will be, an amazing friend to me.

I’ve never had someone stick up for me, the way she did tonight! When I went into the bathroom to cry, she came in right after me, making sure I was okay..  She even walked out on her job, for me.
   I don’t think i could begin to thank her enough…

This all goes back to me saying “you’ve really been my backbone while i’ve been here”.. Which is the honest to God truth.
I wouldn’t have made it THIS long at a fastfood place without her.
She even invited me back to her house, and hung out with me for 6 hours„ just hanging out.    I haven’t had girl to girl time in so long, and It was just a Great ending to the worst night!!

Thanks Lizzybell =)
I truely do thank you && Love you, from the bottom of my heart!

xoxox
BrandyLicious!

So, I’m doing it..

I’m leaving, and going back to Michigan Next sunday.

I haven’t been so excited and Happy about something in quite a while.

Lizzybell- I’m going to miss you more than words will ever be able to explain.
You’ve been my backbone while i’ve been here, I know we’re not that close„ But Know that I haven’t gotten as close to anyone, as I have you, in a Very long time. Your an Amazing girl! You deserve more than anyone could ever give you. I’m here for you, through all that your going through, and you know that!    And I don’t think i’ve said it yet, But Thanks for sticking up for me!! That meant alot!
I Love you.. From the bottom of my heart!
And I PROMISE YOU;; I Will be back to see you! && Maybe you could take a trip to Michigan next summer, and come stay with me =)
      xoxox - Brandylicious!

As for everyone else I’ve come across here„ Thanks for making me realize that my “country folk”  are so much better than the city folk.. I’ll go back to my old dirt roads, and hunting & fishing..   I’ll go back to where everyone is kind to everyone. New people are a god sent, and we cherish them! We make them feel at home in our itty bitty town.   I’ll go back to the country, where everyone knows everyone. And we sit in the back of our trucks in the middle of fields and get down on some country music.   I’ll go back to my bestfriend who appreciates me, and everything I do. 
   But like i said, Thanks for making me realize so much. And letting me know that; I AM the better person.
  I’m not running away, my parents will still be here, And I’ll be back to visit..  You just made me realize I missed alot!

xoxoxo

Alot.

I miss the way things used to be.
When I loved my job. And Gladly woke up every morning with a smile on my face, and worked my 8 hour days/ 40 hours a week. And was living comfortably with money.    I miss when my bestfriend was 5 minutes down the road, and when I was having the worst of days, she was there to cry with me. I miss picking up my goddaughter, Olivia, and kissing her a hundred and one times, and watching her beautiful little smile light up my whole world.   I miss being able to punch my sister and run, making her chase me around the house..   I miss my brother making me laugh hysterically until I pissed my pants, and then we would both laugh. ahah..  
   I miss high school. I miss seeing everyone everyday.
I miss elementary school, and girlscouts.. Going to summer camp every year, and riding my gorgeous horse Charlie =)
  I miss having all of our friends over for a huge bonfire that would last all night, and camping in tents in our backyard..     I miss dancing in the rain with Brittany Virginia in Arkansas. 
   I miss staying out late with Kayela, and sleeping whever we possibly could.
I miss working at the icecream store„ and giving out all the free icecream to my friends that would come see me =)
     I miss so much. That I will never get to enjoy ever again..  And that hurts.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Arizona.
But for some reason, the people here are extremely rude, and inconsiderate.  Maybe it’s me having a hardtime opening up to people, but I don’t seem to be making friends, like I usually do.   That’s one of the hardest things, is not having anyone to talk to or hang out with..     But Thats partially my fault.   I don’t trust ANYONE anymore.   Ugghh„ I just have to hope that things will get better..

but Until then„ I’ll stay perfectly unhappy!

xoxoxo

I stumbled across your picture today,
I could barely Breathe„
The moment stopped me cold, and grabbed me like a theif.
I dialed your number, but you wouldn’t be there.
I knew the whole time, but it’s still not fair.
I just wanted to hear your voice..
I just needed to hear your voice..
What do I do with all I need to say?..
So much I want to tell you everyday..
Oh It breaks my heart..
I cry these tears in the dark.
I write these letters to you,
But they get lost in the moon„
‘Cause there’s no address in the stars. <3

Although that song has to do with someone being in heaven..
I heard it for the first time this morning, and I fell in love with it..
I’m struggling lately, with alot.

Work- Just horrible.   Maybe it’s just me, I’m not sure.   But I can’t stand rude people. Rude people, who are RUDE to me. For no reason, no reason at all.   I’m a hard worker, and I get my shit done.   But when people want to stand around talking, playing with their cell phones & daydreaming, rather than helping out where they could be useful, just really pisses me off.    If I’m not busy, I’m right there to help the next person who is.    Noone wants to help me, but the minute they get a few orders, they are begging for help..   It takes every ounce of my strength to go and help, because what I would really like to do, is give them a big “fuck you”. How does it feel to need help?..   Ugghh„  I do have my good days though.  Only when I work with my few favorite!! =)

Michigan-  Hah, you may think I’m missing Michigan itself, but its definitely not that.  I miss My babysister. She’s growing up more and more everyday, and although she’s 18, and i’ve only been gone for a few months„ I feel like i’ve missed so much already.  She has her first job, and she lives on her own..  It scares me to think of how fast that 18 years went by, I can only imagine how my parents are truely feeling.
   I’m also missing my brother. And ohhh boyy..   My brother is proposing to his girlfriend. Gah, I never thought the day would come. Nick has always been the immature little fagg! haha„   But he’s serious about it. And I’m soo happy for him.  It’s also possible he might have a baby on the way„ eeeekk!!.. no, no, no!!! haha.. He’s currently living with my sister and her boyfriend for now. And knowing that, makes me miss them even more..   I may be living with our parents, but they get to live with eachother.. and I just wish I could be there with them!   I wish we all could be living in the same house TOGETHER!! The family, again.   But that wont happen, so i need to get that thought out of my head.
  I miss my best friend more and more everyday..   I didn’t think it would be this hard. But it is.  I talk to her everyday, and cry, everyday.   I miss having her down the road, driving late at night. Getting the cops called on us, and just blankly stairing at the cop in the face with my mouth hung open, because I was baked out of my mind.  I miss telling her we need to go pretend we’re asleep so we don’t get in trouble.. and her just laughing in my face„ hah..      I miss so much about her.  Her baby girl is growing up so fast, and everyday i talk to her on the phone, and she sounds older everyday.   I heard her say the word ‘bitch’ for the first time day.  A year old, and she’s using the word ‘bitch’„ I just about died laughing!!  She’s adorable..  But what really breaks my heart is when she kisses the phone and says “I Wooove Youu!”..   makes me cry every single time.

I’ve had this crazy Idea lately, to hop on a plane and go back. But then I think about how when i get there, I’ll want to be back here with My parents again. It sucks. I wish we could all just meet in the middle and live there together, Forever!

The subject noone ever thought I would bring up again, has finally come up..
I miss him.  simple as that.    Lately, it’s all i’ve thought about.. All the amazing times we had, even when we weren’t dating.  The lake- Holds all the memories we have.  I miss you. I miss us. I miss the times we had together!
   But I’m holding myself back, I’m not taking the next step to call.  I can’t have that right now..
     I Love you. Always&&Forever.

xoxo